Anxiety!

So we all know that I am the most anxious person on the face of the world! Its true, I've been denial for years, and am finally starting and I do mean starting to accept that I have an issue. A major one. I absolutely hate being home by myself at night. Im that freak that when I was in high school, the house we lived in scared the shit out of me. When the air conditioning came on it sounded like the garage door was opening. Everything in that house made a sound, and it was a new house.

Now I live in a house that was built in the late 30's. It makes lots of noises. Not to mention that my house is maybe maybe, 1/4 mile of the interstate. Not a interstate interstate, like I-40 and I-65, no its one that goes from one piddly dunk town to the next, but still the major route between a few bigger towns I guess.

Anywho, everytime the air comes on here, I turn around to make sure that the curtain is blowing because it sounds like little critters are running across my floor, and through my air system. GROSS! And there are none, but it freaks me out to even think that there might be something in my house!

Not to mention, that the horrible neighbors that I have, shoot bb guns at my house and animals, beat each other with baseball bats, and are just downright horrid people. Please dont get me wrong, I give EVERYONE a chance, and we even helped them out on several occasions, however the more we have lived here the more we have come to the conclusion that some people should not be allowed to have kids, and that some people are just scum. Well they are. With them here, I am worried about the safety of my kids and animals! Luckily they are moving as I type. Its bad when the whole street hates a family and wishes that they would move.

We have also had someone come beat on our door this past summer at 3 in the morning for $20 for "diapers". Same person came by last week to use the phone. Supposedly the people across the street have had someone walk in their house twice (we think they leave their doors open)

If my house had a better layout I would be a lot more secure, but it doesn't, If something were to happen I would be cut off from my daughter, so when Brad isn't home I sleep with bat next to my bed! Yeah I'm paranoid, it's okay, I have excepted it. Lets move on!

BROWNIES!!!!!!!!

Need I say more than BROWNIES!!!!!

No I think not,

So heres the deal! My Grandma, has always made my favorite brownies! They are mint. And not just any mint, ANDES mints! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I was crazing and really getting excited about my dream of the cupcake truck and decided that I had a boxed brownie mix that I could just doctor and so I did. Although when I actually start my cupcake truck business, EVERYTHING will be made from scratch not a box.

They are amazing. Of course I like my brownies more chewy (I guess the technical term is fudgelike) than cake like. So adjust your recipe accordingly.

I used a box of Betty Crocker original supreme brownie

If you want to buy the cheaper brand thats fine, just add some chocolate syrup, about 1/4 cup!

I also always cook my brownies in a 13x9 pan. I like the fact that my eyes and my tummy have more to savor.

Follow the recipe on the back of the box, except add an additional 3 tbs of water, (this recipe has an extremely thick mix.) I also Added 3/4 cup of semisweet chocolate chips! Just cause I'm a Choco-holic.

Hi my name is "Elise and I'm a choco-holic" oh but I also LOVE LOVE LOVE double stuff oreos! I mean I can eat the ENTIRE ( yes the entire) package in ONE sitting! Sssshhhhh lets keep that to ourselves!

Okay so back to matter at hand, brownies.

1 box brownie mix

2 eggs (for fudge like 3 for cake like)

1/3 cup of oil

1/4 +3tbs of water

3/4 cup of semisweet chocolate chips

package of chocolate syrup, or 1/4 cup if not included.

1 bag chopped andes baking mints (trust me spring for it)

Mix all ingredients except mints and pour into a greased 13x9 pan, bake at 350 for 26-30 minutes.

After the brownies have come out of the oven sprinkle the mints over the entire pan of brownies allowing them to melt from their warmth.

After about two minutes you can use a spoon or knife and spread them out to make an even icing. Allow to cool until brownie is completely cool and mints have become solid again.

Cut and enjoy!

So I figured out the restaurant/bakery thing!

So remember how a couple of posts ago I talked about my wanting to open a bistro/bakery/cafe thing? Well I did, I thought for a moment I knew what I wanted, until I read an entry on the blog Confessions of a Young Married Couple www.marriageconfessions.com, that talked about the cupcake truck!

The Cupcake Truck, That is it! Its perfect, small filled with love and absolutely perfect! Check out how cool it is! followthatcupcake.com. Let me tell you. I'M ALL ABOUT IT!!!!!!!

I want to do this like now! Only in Nashville not in Jackson. It wouldn't be very successful here I don't think!

Today, I get to spend with the family!

So today we actually get to spend the day together! This is the first time in a long time and a VERY RARE occasion.

On this day that we all spent at home, not all of it was was relaxing and joyous. My couches were so old and nasty (they came with the house and I just cleaned the heck out of them) that they were falling apart literally! They had a vinyl material that was cracking and every time you sat on them they flaked and then again when you got up. The stuffing was starting to come out of the butt cushions, not to mention that they never have been comfortable (Tyler was also starting to chew on them and eat the parts that came off it was tragic.) But alas, we told my mother-in-law that we were going to start looking for new couches when we got our tax refund. We looked at a very few places and didn't have any luck. She sold us her couch and love seat which I have always loved! So now I have new couches YAY ME!!!!

However in the process, Brad had to take the door off and tear up the old couches to get it out the door. Then he had to move the fireplace and when doing this broke the gas line that used to go to the old fireplace so he had to fix that, for 2 hours! It was the longest fix ever, he would do it and then we would have to see if it was actually working and then take it apart and fix it again. After he finally got it fixed, we moved the fireplace back and then it broke again under the fireplace so we had to move it again so he could fix it again. And then move the fireplace back! Im so happy that I have a very handy hubby. Well atleast about somethings!

My dream!

So the older and older I get, I can't help but think about what I want to do when I get older. I do know for certain that I no longer want to teach. I love kids, don't get me wrong But patience is not my strong suit!

I keep thinking that maybe I want to be a health inspector for restaurants. Im that crazy person since working and managing MaggieMoo's that I am OBSESSED with health scores. I can't go into a new restaurant without checking the health inspection sheet and examining thoroughly! Then when we actually make it to our table I'm the skeptic about everything, and if the waiter/waitress doesn't do this or does do that, I know if its against the regulations! I would be the worst though, I would not b very forgiving, complete and thorough yes, nice and forgiving, not me!

I also LOVE LOVE LOVE to bake, I love cooking but there is something about baking that does it for me! It makes me happy, and helps me relax (except for the whole cleaning up part). Cooking does make me feel better too, but not like baking, of course I have kids so my culinary experiments are very limited. I'm sure that the more I get to experiment the more I will love creating little pieces of heaven for the whole meal/day as well.

Okay so my point, I really think that I want to open some sort of bistro/bakery/cafe. I want to be able to cook real food and have people enjoy it. Something small, nothing real big or fancy, just a small hole in the wall place that all the locals rave about!

Of course I want someone to do the work (cooking, cleaning, etc. ) I just want to be there to oversee, experiment to have a great deal of variety, work where no one else wants to. I want to fill in the holes when someone is sick, or unable to work. I want to do all the crappy paperwork and behind the scenes stuff, as well as making sure that everything is clean. I want to make sure that customer service is f utmost important to every person working. I want to work with people that I love and that will cherish this business as much as I do. This place will be the place that people bring their families to have a fun light hearted meal or desert. I want to be able to make someone's day with the lovely deserts that we come up with and make from scratch, with love! I want the customers to know that they are important and to want to come back over and over again!

is completely over it

Today you get a rant!

I am so over my life today. Everyone and everything is driving me crazy! Today, nothing is right, I feel as though I'm not good enough! Blah Blah Blah!

Abby bless her heart, is doing everything she possibly can to get attention. Result, my strongly disliking her today. She is hiding the toys from her brother knowing he is going to get mad and be upset. Not to mention the whining that is coming along with this!

Tyler is fussy, he needs a nap but refuses to take one. He wants to nurse and go to sleep but as soon as he gets relaxed enough Abby comes running through the room full speed ahead and wakes him up. Yet again making me mad at both of them.

I'm so tired of not being a good enough mom. I mean, I don't clean enough, and when I do its not the right way. I was supposed to go to my mom's today, but yesterday after picking Abby up, I was so rudely told that I was leaving a mess of the entire house. Then this morning I was told, "I hope St. Mary's doesn't come to do a home visit today, because this house is a disaster" I mean come on. Not like the person saying this helped me at all with the mess making or cleaning. But he works and thats not his job. All I do is sit at home on the computer and watching the kids. That is my job!

I am just so tired of not being good enough! Can't I be good enough for 1 day. I just want to be appreciated and loved. Not picked on and made fun of. I am a person too, I have feelings and they hurt! I need help raising our kids! I can't do it by myself. I mean I can't even take a shower without the bathroom door being opened or banged on. Not to mention kids screaming. Its really not that hard to PLAY with them for 15 minutes. Im'm just going to stop before I get myself in a whole lot of trouble!

Thanks for the rant!

Blogging

Blogging. Blogging! My husband just told me that my job is not blogging, its cleaning and cooking and taking care of the kids. Oh my bad "you're not getting paid to blog", oh but I dont get paid anyway!

What he does not understand, is that blogging and reading blogs is my way of relaxing. Not to mention my way of connecting with the world. I mean I spend my days with an almost 10 month old and a very active 4 year old. Although my days are always very interesting they are lacking. I love my kids please don't get me wrong, I am really very lucky to be able to stay home with them and I would not change that at all. However, I am very much of a social person and I need to have some adult interactions during the day! So facebook and blogging are my outlets.

I mean it could be much worse. I could be just angry and mad all the time, I could use alcohol or smoking as my outlet. I could be shopping which I love and would get into way too much trouble. So there are way more things that I could be doing but no this is what I choose to wind down from a busy fussy day! Not so bad right?

I don"t think so easier.

A few things that make me all warm and fuzzy

So on days like today when its cold cloudy with a layer of snow I want something really special! Okay lets be realistic, I want something special everyday! Something that I can eat all by myself, that the kids don't try to eat off my plate.

Today is in my terms NASTY! It is 30 degrees outside and windy! And although Tyler is standing at the foot of the couch laughing hysterically at Abby for pretending like she is sleeping, I just want something yummy of MY own! NO SHARING, NO ONE MAKING FACES because they don't like what I want to eat. No timeouts from a four year old not eating what we have fixed, I mean I fixed! After all that is my job, to cook and clean, and yada yada yada.

Today, I wanted to start the day off with a nice big cup of hot chocolate and a frittata, with maybe mushrooms, spinach and goat cheese! That sounds so amazing, artichoke hearts would have been good too. To make it better, in my nice warm bed, with no kids screaming or crying from the other room. I dream of the day when my ears don't ring with every sound a child makes, but that is another story. Although breakfast was good, we had from a box blueberry muffins accompanied with a diet coke!

For lunch I would have loved some homemade tomato soup. Yes from scratch, I can't stand that condensed canned crap. I think I would like some warm fresh cheddar cheese crackers, which I really need to learn to make! I'm not sure how that would work, but I think that with the lack of time I have I should do some research and start baking maybe I wouldn't be so anxious.

What I actually had, left over roast beast sandwich with provolone cheese and red potato salad with dill! pre-made from wal-mart. Not even fresh. But I can't make it fresh, this is one of those foods that my hubs turns his nose up and makes every face in the world to. My daughter all the sudden decides she doesn't like said item as well.

For an afternoon snack my sweet tooth would have made it to heaven! I want some warm from scratch (maybe the Alton Brown recipe that I got of JoytheBaker.com) chocolate chip cookies. But I want it as a sandwich with TONS okay I really want just the filling, but tons of the filling like you would find in an oreo. But oh wait I have been craving a lemon filling so maybe some sugar cookies with lemon filling too! No big deal who cares about weight and this is my dream anyway right so why can't I have both? I can! Both it is!

Actual afternoon snack handful, of semisweet chocolate morsels, I was really craving and that is all I could find. It didn't even help the craving.

For dinner I want to go to the cheesecake factory with Amy. I need a big glass of wine, to go with my Pasta Carbonara. Most importantly, I want the bacon with the garlic parmesan cream sauce. I think I would like a spinach salad, with goat cheese as well. Im not sure at the moment whether I want the chicken or not. I know I want the savory though! My mouth is watering just thinking about it. To finish off the meal, I would eat my absolute favorite dutch apple cheesecake with caramel sauce. Alot of caramel sauce. Which in general, I don't like cheesecake or caramel. I have to be in the mood, I mean really in the mood for them both, unless I am at the cheesecake factory!

Actually I just want to go to the movies, and out to dinner with the girls. It is long overdue! I want some mommy alone time.

Probably just his behind!

So we are at my father-in-laws house watching the superbowl, and my daughter has been harassing Toby my brother-in-law since the moment she walked in the door. She thinks that the only reason we come over here is for everyone to play with her. So the first thing she does is go immediately to Uncle Toby, lets go play jungle! So off to his room they go.

Toby being the great patient guy he is plays into her game like he was just put here on this earth to play with her. I know he loves it but I'm positive that it gets old and boring!

They were in Toby's room and looking at his fishing pole talking about how you can catch fish and eat fish and mounting fish.

Abby: how do you mount a fish.

Toby: well like my deer, if you get a big fish you can hang it on your wall too.

Abby: So think pepper went to heaven (Pepper is our dog that we had to put to sleep in December)

Toby: Yeah I think pepper went to heaven too.

Abby: No pepper my puppy.

Toby: Yeah I think my deer went to heaven too.

Abby: No I think just his bottom went to heaven. His front half is still on your wall!

Oh I love her!

The two sides of a 4 year old!

So I think that my daughter who turned 4 on Nomember 16th, can be the sweetest child in the world. For the most part she is very well mannered and is extremely thoughtful!

We were all in the van driving to gymnastics (formerly know as banastics, because everything had a b in it esp Hannah Batanna and banastics.) Abby as usual can't get the diarrhea to stop! I mean talked non-stop the 20 minutes it took us to get there, I don't even think she took a breath! Mommy why is this this way and that that way? Mom did you know blah blah blah. Daddy what are we going to do fun today, I want to do this, I want to do that!

So when we got to the light to turn in to the gym, she looks up at us and says " mommy and daddy I hope you have a lucky day" how sweet can a little girl be! I mean, sometimes she is just so sweet that my heart just melts. Like the last time Brad made dinner he cooked chicken, but it was a little overdone, not by any means inedible just a little more rubbery than most people like. Brad said that she didn't have to eat it because it was dry and she looked at him for a moment then put her sweet little hand on his knee, looked up at him as lovingly as a 4 year old can and said "awww dad, its okay, I still love you!"

But then there is the alter ego, that has just recently taken up residence in her little body, and the 17 year old that lives in there appears daily. I mean, eyes rolling, finger in the air waving like the wind is going to take her whole hand off. Then proceeding to tell me that I am NOT allowed to talk, and to "zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket" (which I have yet to figure out who says this, but pisses me off to no end!) as meanly as she possibly can! I mean come on she is 4 for goodness sake. The attitude that comes from that sweet little girl body is just so unreal!

The fits that are thrown are unreal as well. She screams and swings and punches, and lays on the floor then screams in time out. And I am sorry but I do NOT tolerate that behavior at all! And I will not! She knows better!

My Little Shirley Temple, herself!

My apparent new form of exercise?

Okay so last night I was talking to Brad before I left for my physical therapy appointment. I was super excited (because I am unable to do ANY sort of exercise at all with out great pain.) But anyway, here is our conversation.

Me: I lost 4lbs this week!

Brad: how'd you do that?

ME: I don't know, I got on the scale today and from my dr's appt last week until today im down 4 lbs. Just be happy for me....

Brad: (with his devilish sexy smirk, dimples and all) well, did you take a big dump.

Me: No brad I just told you I don't know how I did it.

Brad: well did you eat less?

Me: (thought for a minute) I don't think so, but It could be possible, I didn't have many sodas (even though I drink diet)

Brad: well did you do any exercise?

ME: No Brad you know I haven't been cleared to do anything.

Brad: well you have to have done something.

Me: Can't you just be happy for me, 4 lbs is good in a week for anyone!

a few minutes pass.

Brad: I got it, you did more typing than normal!

Me: hahahahahahaha! you are just so funny, thats it, thats what I did.

I knew I loved him for some reason!

For the record!

Just so you all know, my loving hubs came home last night and read through the blog we started, and pretty much completely disowned it (or so he says). Well of course you know that I did not go to the right search engine, then I didn't set it up the way he would have, and this other site has this thing and this other site has that yada yada yada! (of course I was thinking of that character on charlie brown that goes wah wah wah wah wah so thats all I heard!)

Any who!!! So, as I lost my train of thought yesterday, I was going to say that I am in NO way (and I do mean the largest NO in the world) a homemaker. Yes that is my daily job, but other than playing with the kiddos, facebooking, and reading the blogs I have started to follow I get maybe 2 or 3 things done around the house a day! If you were to come into my house right now you would see toys all around the living room (this is only room Tyler is allowed to play in at the moment) and dishes piled in the sink. Although I did do them all yesterday, I just have yet to empty the clean dishes from the dishwasher and put dinner dishes in. (you will learn that there are two jobs that I really dislike, putting clean dishes away and putting up folded laundry) I try to vacuum every day, but that doesn't always happen either. The next thing you would find is 2 laundry baskets full of clean clothes. Brad makes fun of the things I get done or lack there of daily! It has just become part of our life.

I will say that since I have had Tyler I have gotten about 50% better than I was! Thats a big accomplishment. I do go through at random times (when I get mad because Brad hasn't helped me or atleast the way I think he should) and clean the house like a mad woman. I mean going through drawers throwing things away and scrubbing! But you had better not cross me at this point, Im hunting and don't want to be disturbed, not to mention at this point pissed off to no get up!

Okay on to the dishes/laundry thing. I absolutely despise putting up the clean dishes and folded laundry! I don't know why, you would think that doing the dirty dishes or folding is the bad part, nope not for me thats the part I like! As a child I would fold my laundry and then live out of the hamper until all the clothes that lived in it had taken up residence on my floor. Yeah I know Im not the most sanitary person in the world (unless you are a food establishment and then it is on! another story another day)

OKAY RANDOMNESS!!! My kids are watching Nick Jr as it is only 8:00am, and they just did this huge thing on Yo Gabba Gabba! Have you seen this show, it is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS! I mean its like kiddy crack! And as much as I try to keep it off the tv, my kids LOVE it! It is almost worth it to get the piece and quiet that sometimes I so very much need! But then again I do have to listen to that crap! anyway Im done with that!

So every morning when Brad leaves for work, I get a lecture about "the house had better be spotless when I get home" followed with a "know your role" and I'm like yeah have a good day sweetie! I think that he has learned that when he tells me I have to do something I will not do anything at all, but when he leaves me alone (or I don't get any sleep) I can tear up the house cleaning! I don't understand how on days when I don't get to sleep at all, I'm productive, any ideas? And I get everything that needs to be done done (is that right it looks weird) within an hour of actually getting out of the bed. My life is silly!

Well since that whole Yo Gabba Gabba crap got me completely unrolled and all out of whack, I guess Im going to go start my day! Hope that you all have a wonderful day as well!

So after I wrote this, I was reading one of my normal blogs Boomama! She summed up my random cleaning/hysterics about not having it done the way I want so Im going to attach her url to the bottom! I love it! It is exactly how I work! (except for the whole getting dressed thing, I'm doing good to get my teeth brushed everyday at the moment) But I also agree with the sink thing. If my sink is empty, I am much less likely to have an anxiety attack about the rest of the house, and now that I think about it the kitchen is ALWAYS where my tantrums start!

Hope you enjoy!

http://boomama.net/2010/02/02/oh-now-i-understand

What have I gotten myself into?

Okay, so those of you that know me, know that I am the most ADD person in the world (said just like you would hear someone on those teeny bopper shows like iCarly's little friend Sam I think). So I apologize in advance for the lack of organization that is sure to follow!

I have just recently started to follow a few blogs and found them quite interesting, some full of information, some full of humor, and some just down right honest! I am hoping that I can let you all into my little world and the craziness that comes along with it! This should be fun.

A little about me and the world surrounding it! I am now a stay at home mom of two, Abby Kate is 4 and Tyler is 9 months, and for the most part I love my job! And yes it is a job as so many of you that do it know. I have been married to Brad for 5 years and cant imagine anyone else I would have wanted to spend the those years with. Brad is currently working full time with the TN Army National Guard. I am so proud of the work he does and his willingness to do it even though he does not like MANY of the aspects so that I can have the opportunity to stay home with our babies! He and I are also both members of the 129th Army Band in Nashville. This should warn you of both the random tantrums I throw about things that I do not like about the army and the funny things that come from some of our best friends in the unit! I (we) could not ask for a better military family!

I grew up in Lexington KY (which I miss dearly) where I stayed until I had gone to college for a few years. After deciding that I had wasted too much money and time on something I was not sure I wanted to do, I dropped out and went active duty Army. When Brad and I found out I was pregnant I decided to get out of active but continue my military career in the National Guard (the best decision I could have made). After Brad got out of active duty we moved to where he grew up in West TN so that he could go to school. I worked full time as general manager of a MaggieMoo's IceCream and Treatery until my son was born in April of 2009.

Like I mentioned first thing I am VERY ADD! So I was trying to decide what I wanted to accomplish with this blog, and I have yet to figure that out. I have asked my friends what they thought I should blog about and heard everything from cooking/baking, the kids and my life in general. So I warn you this is going to be a hodge podge of our life! I am sorry about my writing capabilities, I write like I talk with almost NO formal grammar training! Please just hang on you will get the point!

I am sure to mess this up several times until I figure this out. I just did actually and had to copy and paste to get to add to this. Im not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. But once again I will get it! Im going to try to post at least every other day, so keep checking back with me to see what is going on in our neck of the world!