But I do have to tell you about this horrible melt down we had yesterday and ask for you advice!
Yesterday my sweet, adorable, can't do anything wrong (he he he) 5 yr old threw this MASSIVE fit, in public.........in target! Now I'm not just talking about crying, I can deal with that, but SCREAMING the ENTIRE way through target. Now, this has become something that has started over the past year, but has never happened in public and never to this extent. We make sure to tell her that fits are not okay and that they are not exceptable. They also mostly occur when her way has not been gotten. Typically when a fit begins, she is sent to her room to calm down after given the option to either stop fussing and talk about the situation or go sit in her room. When sitting in her room she is to sit in the very middle without any distractions so that she can think about what is going on. (We are trying to get her to work on feelings when they are starting and through them so she understands what is going on in her brain and express them, but we are not anywhere close to this yet.)
What worries me most is that lately when these fits start it is also starting to begin with aggression, usually hitting something like the door when she is walking out of it, or snatching as hard as she can so that her arm is wound back and propels all the way around the front of her body. This is in NO WAY acceptable and will not be tolerated. When this sort of out break begins she is once again told why that action is not acceptable and told to either explain why she did that action and to calm down or go sit and think. If the fit is completely out of wack and is drawn out excessively or we are told no she wont sit in time out SEVERAL times, she will recieve a spanking and an explaination and be put in timeout until she is calm enough to sit and talk about why she responded the way she did, and the action(s) that landed her in the punishment she received. I am not one that likes to spank, so we try not to use this route unless absolutely necessary.
I know that I have a problem with yelling and I am very actively trying to work on this, I am trying to use an athoritative/calm voice. We explain to her that she is NOT a bad girl, but the choice she made was not the best choice to make. I don't quite know where to go though, I feel like the whole situation is getting worse, and I can tell you that I really don't think timeouts are working, by the time she calms down, she can't even remember what she is so upset about. I have tried taking away toys for negative attitudes and this is not effective, I don't think spankings are effective either. I am at a loss for what to do. I have also tried making her do things that she doesn't like, ie sweeping, cleaning, basically manual labor and this has no effect, she finds a way to like said chore.
I would really like to nip this attitude in the butt before it gets any worse. Please offer any advice you can give! Anything that may have worked for kids in your family, things your parents did with you. I love my daughter very much and want her to grow up and understand why we can't act certain ways, and have good morals. I am just lost.
I have heard when I went through this with K (as a baby) and C as a toddler that your supposed to leave the store when they act like that. I didn't buy it though. I thought no way that's what they want, me to leave and I wouldn't get anything done if I did that. I know sometimes even know when they start acting ugly we point at them and laugh at how embarrassing their acting. Sometimes that would work. ( I know I'm one of those cruel mean parents, a yelling one too)
ReplyDeleteSometimes with K I would put her in the shopping cart and ignore her . Of course everyone would stare at me until she calmed down but I had stuff to do and she just needed to behave!
I have also taken the kids to a mirror and showed them how silly they look acting like that. I even now if they whine or start acting "childish" I will say how old are you ? Because I'm sure I can get you some diapers and bottles if you want to act like your a baby. I also remind them that they are the ones in control of their actions. (this is a constant reminder in our house with C!)
I'm probably not much help, I know how frustrating things can be. Hopefully its just a phase .
If she finds a way to like said chore, great! You get the added bonus of helping out around the house, and she turns a negative into a positive. Keep it up and be consistent by applying the chore/consequence EVERY time - not just verbal warnings. Keep up the good work, and don't be surprised if she suddenly stops 'liking' the chores! ;-)
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